Sometimes I blog so I don't end up screaming my head off...

UGH! Don't get me wrong I realize in this part of the freaking world that we live in to be single is a very stressful thing IF you feel like you're in a race and everyone else has already passed the finish line. But PLEASE for the LOVE OF (whatever you believe in) do not I repeat do NOT drag me into whatever form of dating it is you're trying to accomplish. Do not make little promises to me, do not spend hours texting, calling, etc when it appears that I do not care. BC I probably DO NOT care as anything more then a friend. Do not put me on the spot about going out on stupid dates. I don't like that b.s. I've been dealing with 4 charecters lets call them DA #1, DA#2 and on till #4. All 4 at one time told me they might be my guy in shinning armor if I give them a chance. Blah. How can they be when they don't know what I'm looking for? And 3 out of 4 have awkwardly in some way hinted at marriage. Even though I only ever dated #1. Men are really just starting to tick me off. I thought we were supposed to be the ones that thought "emotionally/lovey dovey" whatever but I'm seriously starting to think it's men. Either that or they think the lines they feed me will get them somewhere but instead it only makes me want to run away. Pretend I have an iron wall around my heart from now on. BC you're just wasting your time on me what happened tonight and what's been unfolding the last few weeks has made me believe that all the single men today (within in a 7 year age whatever) are single because they are DAs (with the exceptions of widowers).

"No Pooping."

"No pooping?!?"
"She pooping?"
"Pooping? No Pooping!"
"No pooping. Aunt nancy!"

Kids they say the weirdest things. I went and had a visit with my Bean today. When I first saw my little blue eyed kiddo he acted all shy. I guess not seeing me since his haircut - made him a little hesitant. Hmm. He brought me a few toys and then instantly I was back to Super Aunt Nancy status. We played with dump trucks, memory games, monkeys, his little keyboard, and read books. And then he wanted to have a tea party? I'm not sure must be a new thing. Thankfully that idea fell apart when he tried to pour his milk in the cups... Not that I wouldn't have played tea party with him. I think he's read Max and Ruby one too many times. I wasn't looking forward to having to sit in the little itty bitty chair... that's all. lol. Then we went outside where I showed him a caterpillar. This is when he started chanting no pooping to me. I was confused turned out yesterday when he found another bug it kept pooping all over him. I thought they meant he had squeezed the bug too hard and it's guts had went everywhere. No. Evidently it was poop. And he was scared that the catterpillar would poop on him too. ha ha. oh goodness. He loves bugs, dirt, and killing snakes (very messily), but evidently poop is not fun and he knows the difference. He found a piece of cardboard and built the caterpillar a whole house. It had grass carpeting, rocks for furniture, and little rocks for cups (for it's tea I'm sure) and sticks and other things, and then another rock for a hot tub. What a creative 2 yr old I have. Turns out he made an ant hot tub yesterday. Yeah he's on this huge kick with hot tubs he kept coming up and sitting down next to me and saying "So what are we going to do today? Hot Tub and Hot tub." We also had a cat wonder into the yard and he announced it was Aunt Nancy's cat. Nope Petey looked nothing like this cat. But evidently all cats are mine. And then when I told him I was going bye he said no stay in negys room. no stay in negys house. It was soo cute. Just the distraction I needed for today.

"Baby, Don't Look Back"

I have so much going on in my life right now. And unfortunately I've lost a friend or two; or 5 and counting... due to some choices I've made lately. At this point I'm not even sure what direction is up. I want to look back and say I have no regrets but right now - that just seems like I'm shooting too high. I wish people would remember we are all human therefor not perfect. Forgiveness is key and I suppose right now certain individuals don't think I deserve forgiveness.

All I have to say is. Give me a chance. It will all work out.

Sometimes it doesn't turn out like we planned.

All my versions of the future don't include the road I'm currently on.

I've thought about having a huge wedding, lots of kids, a big house in the mtns, with HUGE family cookouts.

I've thought about a small wedding outdoors and traveling with my husband and having furry kids.

I've thought about being single and in the peace core, or running a midwife clinic in some third world country until I was older and then adopting.

Certain things have changed and made me go against some of these. But these were the main roads I saw myself going down.

And now...

Now I have no idea where this current road is taking me.

...

All I know to do it pray.

A Good Day After All!

(Before you read this take note I AM NOT talking about peoples opinions of my personal relationships past or present)

Everyone has opinions and sometimes everyone shares them... Does that mean they're right? Not necessarily. But if a group of 10 all share the same opinion is it likely it's the best one? Probably. But it's just an opinion. You have to form your own life. Walk your own path. Every long journey begins with a single step. And today THANK GOODNESS someone decided to take that single step. I dunno if it's just my family and all my friends families but with every individual they have an opinion about their romantic relationships. Examples: Thank goodness he was lucky and got that one. What a horrible mistake he made letting her go look what he has to come home to now (what we all have to put up with). She really shouldn't have led that one on. Thank god they're done they both deserve better. I know she's family but he's a saint for all he does. . . etc. etc. etc. Well today someone was shaken from the tree so to speak. I'm not talking about divorce (I personally would not wish that on my worst enemy) just a break up. And I wish we could all go out and celebrate because I AM SO HAPPY!!! As I'm saying this I'm hoping that no one has ever thought the need to celebrate when my relationships have changed. But it's life. Some people do not mix. Sometimes people just bring each other down and it's better for both to move on. And as this relationship ends. I hope someone takes some alone time and then continues on that long journey with another step!

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On to my day
and today... I was semi miserable I am still feeling under the weather and I am still not sleeping well so I am very tired on top of everything else. My dept got changed today which is good. I like change (at work) but I never felt so useless. I'm not sure if there's any point even having someone over there. All I did was straighten ALL DAY. Time passed very slow I got the blues and I was more then ready to leave when it was time. I got some sheets to match my new bed spread I will take pictures! I also bought my first tool set. This made me really excited. However, it turns out I picked horrible tools they look cheap so I'm assuming they are. Once I got them out of the box and opened the kit I was wondering if these were kids tools. That's how crappy of a job I did picking them out. So they'll be returned and I will be tool-less again. ::Sigh::
But this new bedspread - I picked it out actually, because I loved loved loved this accent pillow it came with in the picture. I am not one of those girls; The girls that has extra pillows on her bed, purses for each outfit, a bunch of shoes, but this pillow was great in my opinion so I thought I was going to buy it and a whole bedroom set just to match it. Ehh... I got everything inc. a matching rug in the online shopping bag and then it said the accent pillow was no longer available. Blah! Oh well I haven't had matching bedroom decor or sheets or whatever since middle school so I just go ahead and get everything and decide I'll make a pillow to look like it. Then today as I was looking at Michaels and stuff online to see if I could create something similar I thought I'd try to get the pillow one more time. IT WORKED! It's backordered but I bought it! YAY!!! My new bedroom will be complete. I'm thinking of doing some DIY wall art and painting to make it a fun room!

And this is THE pillow simple but funky.
Kinda like me.
And yes I know it's on here twice I meant it that way because ironically I was talking of love.

Moving on. . . Moving ahead.

I put in my two weeks notice today at one of my lovely jobs. I just felt like a) I wasn't giving it my all anymore. I was so bored. and b) clinicals hopefully start next month and my plate is already overflowing. and c) I just don't care anymore. So it's time.

I am so tired today I can't even imagine keeping my schedule like it's been. I get drained so easily lately. Thankfully the inside of my house looks good still. I really need to work on the outside though. I keep thinking the lovely yard fairies will come one saturday while I'm at work and when I come back it will look GORGEOUS and I'll just have to clean the porch. I know this won't happen though. So I have called in reinforcements. ETA = ??? I might be waiting till winter. lol. I hope not. And I've also found someone who is willing to finish painting! Yay!!!!! So excited!

So Petey and I are off to watch our shows and cuddle cause we're sleepy today. lol.

The mountains is where my house is.... now to find my home.

Life is beautiful long and short. Yes both. I was "created" in the mtns. Born on the beach. Ran through sprinklers, chased childhood dreams, tried to swing to the sun in the palm trees. I tasted the beginning of independence in the hills of the sun and then I came back to the mountains where my heart has always considered my home. The second I see the grade there's this amazing feeling I always get. I love my state. I always have. I've played in colorful leaves, ran under waterfalls, gone to church, sled down hills, had picnics and loved more deeply in the mtns then anywhere on earth - and my heart has also hurt more deeply. I want to see the world but at the end of the trips I want to come back to my mtns. There's a lot of changes in the making and I'm not sure where my next adventure will be but I know where I will end up again - home to my mountains.

So my house is here in the town where hopefully someday I find a home or make one.

Sick?

Not feeling good today.