The day my world stopped turning.

I hate that for reasons I have to still be involved with people and in uncomfortable ways. It literally kills me. Whatever people choose or whatever in my thoughts incredibly twisted lost and very sad way of thinking that they do should be theirs and theirs alone. But, unfortunately it's just not the case given the certain things we have to face together. I feel obviously that I can't just sit back and pretend nothing happened. That for months nothing happened. But I don't know what the appropriate choice of action is. And every scenario I think of we are all losers and it affects more then the 2 it would if it was a normal situation but it's not it effects the 5 people that it would appear to given certain whatever and then more it effects an entire family and I'm sure like everything else it will trickle down and effect more people as time continues... Sometimes they say ignorance is bliss. Well I wish I didn't know what I know. I wish I was ignorant. I wish the bottom of my world hadn't fall out. That the confusion and battle for me to make the right choice, the safe choice, wasn't killing me. That I knew for sure if I was overreacting or ::shutters:: underacting. Blah.

I'm kind of a selfish person. I'll admit that. I will do anything for one of my friends loose a day a night drive you to the moon and back take care of you when you're sick whatever but I don't think I could be one of those people that said I'd die for someone and honestly mean it although there have been times when I thought I meant it. I would however do anything for my daughter (inc. dying). I'd also give up my sight or whatever if I could go back in time and fix something. But, I can't. I also might be able to forgive but I can't forget.