Alone?

I don't mean to complain ... I don't want people to see this and be like oh look at that girl poor little whatever (sarcastically under their breath).

I know I made my bed. I know I had two other choices. But, I made my bed and now I'm laying in it - or however that saying goes. All these lovely contractions or braxton hix or whatever they are they are making me feel incredibly alone. All the uncomfortableness/pain not being able to get comfortable. Needing help that I can't find with stupid stuff and feeling overwhelmed. I know it's no ones responsibility but my own. But that doesn't mean that I don't occasionally need help - OR well a lot over the last months ever since that darn morning sickness started ;) They told me last week I was measuring 2 weeks early but they're not going to give another ultrasound which makes me a little nervous I want to be reassured that she's not too big to deliver. I'm not sure I'm one of those people that wants to labor for 13 hours and then have the drs realize she's too big for me and then get a C section plus that when I look at possible options for people who would go into a C section with me I think the numbers dwindle down to zero. Well not that much but I dunno I'm not really confident anyone will. Part of me just wishes I could fast forward over all this labor. Just have her out. Be able to lift more then 15lbs again, do simple everyday things, get my independence back. Well the independence that comes with being a responsible mommy :) Set up some kind of structure - between her and all her monkey classes and then me and school. I guess I just have to keep reassuring myself I'm not going to be pregnant and big as a house forever and labor - if my water breaks will be no longer then 18-24 hours or 12 depending on the dr. Blah...