Laughter is the best medicine sometimes.

This last week up until this morning has been an eye opener I think I knew things all along but my heart it's a silly thing and it always tries to see the best and I dunno I suppose you could call it naive. I don't like lies of any kind. Even little white lies they turn into more. . . I've been dealing with a large web of lies that someone continues to spin. If you have to lie to someone about the smallest things in the world, I don't know how you expect people to trust you. I just have to let go. It's like that country song about bad things she likes like chocolate, high heels, and a guy... and the guy is the worst of all. Oh I think there's always someone like that in someones life at one point or another. It's part of growing up, moving on, shifting through the "players, users, and haters."

I've been sitting here with my shirt rolled up to the top of my stomach watching Monkey kick and watching one of my favorite comedies (It's about football so it's probably not a super popular one - no not The Water Boy) drinking my water and laughing so hard I know Monkey probably is wondering what in the world her mommy is doing and what is so funny!

I've been thinking about Monkey's first roadtrip and her baptisim and her first Easter and her first baseball game. Her cute little St Patricks day outfit so no one pinches my super cute little Monkey, and who all I want to meet her and the countless trips we'll take, and even little things like hiking, bowling, and the grocery store with her in the little sling. In a month or so my life is going to completely change. Don't get me wrong I've thought about the 3am feedings, and the teething, and her fevers, and lots of other horrible things but it's all part of one amazing package.

Examples of love.

There are certain people I've come in contact with over my "still fairly short life" that have left great impacts upon me relationship wise about what love is. Couples who have made me stop catch my breath and say "One day... One day if I can just get a slice of what they have for each other I couldn't be anything other then happy." One of those examples is my Uncle George and Aunt Helen. When she was 13 Uncle George gave her his pocket watch at a neighborhood dance and ever since then Aunt Helen said she knew he was the one. He also brought her pieces of gum a little "present" she'd convince her other siblings to do her chores and pay them in gum lol. They married when she was 16 and still in school and he was several years her senior 6 or 8 (that's a lot when you're 16 to me!). Back then if you got married you had to quit school. So they ran off Christmas Day when their families were busy celebrating they were neighbors and celebrated the holiday together between 23 children in those two families it was easy to be forgetful of one or two. They came back and kept it a secret until she graduated that June so she could finish school. They didn't always have the luxury of living together there was the war and other things but they still kept it together. They suffered great losses (especially of their first child- who died soon after birth) but they worked hard to build a better life for themselves and their families, and the community. They took such care of each other all throughout their marriage. And Aunt Helen to this day still giggles like a school girl when I ask her to tell me about Uncle George.
Another one of those examples is Heather and Jim. Heather fought cancer went in remission fell in love with Jim, married, carried a baby, found out the cancer was back, did chemo and carried Kylie, gave birth, got a bone marrow transplant, and then sadly lost her battle. I still read her blog from time to time and yes I cry like a baby she talks about the ups and downs of her fight, the unconditional love she has for the man who she loves so much, who takes care of her, makes her laugh, and gives her courage to keep fighting. And even though she's gone Jim still loves this woman so much. It was an amazing love during Heather's life and as it still continues I can't even define it. But like I said if I could just have a slice of that.
Today as I was going through Kylie's clothes for Monkey I came across a hat that I knew Heather had put in her blog. So I typed in the familiar web address and realized there was more then just a little hat that Heather had blogged about and Jim had graciously given to me there were other clothes and familiar things in her blog too that are now among Monkeys belongings. It lifts my spirits to know how much these little articles meant to them and how they are now with me. I'm a big sentimental shmuck. I'm hoping they bring us good luck.
I can't even go on to tell you the examples of others because well it's something you'd just have to see to belive. You can't just type and try to explain it you have to see it to truly understand what it is I'm talking about - And I hope we have all found it/ or will find it.

Monkey Monkey Monkey

I had another lovely appt yesterday it went way over... :( It was 4:30 and I ended up just walking out. I did see the dr though I was just waiting to schedule my next appt. I waited 30 minutes got tired and left I'd been there over 2 hours I figure I could just call and set something up Monday. Her hb was in the 150's and my bp was 120/64. And she measured fine and I weighed in fine. When they put the little doppler on her she kicked right at it - it was cute.

These last few weeks of pregnancy I have a feeling are going to wear me down. My back was killing me last Sunday to the point where I thought my support person in my child birth class was going to have to give me their arm if they expected me to walk out of there in one piece and not be rolled out. Then I started this thing where I have this annoying numbness in another place... Blah. Between that and my occasional extremely painful backaches I'm pretty much ready to go whenever she is. lol. But I'll keep her in a little longer.

Last Sunday I had my first and last baby shower. It was amazing. I pretty much stayed quiet for fear of breaking out in tears. Lynn organized the whole thing and it was much more then I expected. Not to mention there were so many ladies I had no idea would care anything about me or monkey. It was truly a blessing and they were able to provide so many things for Monkey that I wouldn't have been able to alone.

Ugh...

I hate people. In five years I want my log or brick house in the mountains, roadtrips with my preschooler, and people to just leave me the heck alone. I can't ******* stand people who don't even know me coming into my life and telling me what to do and then telling me they're going to do such and such. SHUT UP AND RESOLVE IT OR LEAVE ME ALONE don't stress me out over stupid stuff I have no control over. A matter of fact if you'd done wth you were supposed to do in the begining I wouldn't be where I am right now.

Monkey Appt.

So my appt was ok. BP 126/80 hb in the 120's which scared me. She's always been a 150 and then when we did the ultrasound a few weeks ago 159. But they said that is normal she might be having a lazy day. . . This kid likes to drive me nuts already. :) My iron was low evidently on the 17th and they just now got around to telling me. I could have been taking supplements all that time. Ugh. I got a prescription today so I can start. I wish their office worked a little bit better so someone would have called to let me know. The dr asked me about supplements and gentic testing the genetic testing thing was something way back and I didn't know what she was talking about and then the supplements well no one told me to start! So I felt like a retard. The last thing I want to do is hurt monkey. Also this kid doesn't kick a whole lot... So I'm starting kick counts. If I don't get 6 in the 2nd hour then they'll give me a monitor. I have been gaining weight good - however I don't feel the need to post what my current weight is. lol. And I'm measuring a 32 I don't know if they meant inches when they do the thing or their saying 32 weeks. I didn't think about it till after I left so I didn't ask. She kept saying it was great though so I'm guessing I have nothing to worry about.

Also, construction has started on the route to the hospital and my drs. It made me late following all those drated detours someone assured me it wouldn't but it did. And they said several months it'd be like this so - - - I get to look forward to a detour when I go into labor. But at least I know about it now.

My classes start tomorrow. So barring no trips to get hooked up to the monitor everything has FINALLY fallen into place :)

the waiting game

Pregnancy - yuck.

Today I told myself I was going to clean again. I did. Just not as much as I'd hoped. I cleaned my kitchen did a load of laundry cleaned the bathroom and then sat down to check my cafeworld on facebook. As I was sitting down minding my own bussiness I happened to notice that there was a mouse crawling the wall of the fireplace. Now I did what I always do let out a blood curdling scream and locked myself in another room. Yes I know mice can fit under doors - do not remind me. For once I wished Petey was here to catch the little jack butt. Normally I hope those sounds aren't mice and if they are Petey doesn't catch it... So I decided I had entirely enough of this house and thought it was time to go run my errands. On my way out I did hit the self clean button on the stove so it's not like I wasted the time away from the house. I can't stay when it's on cause the smells get too strong anyway.

I had planned to go to school to figure out my last classes and call back about the last pre-monkey class I can take. But after the mouse incident I forgot my list and naturally half the things on it. I did remember to go pay my bills though and get more prenatal vitamins. I also had to get a new bra. I went out this weekend and had to keep my jacket on because I'm almost sure if anyone looked at the general area of my chest they'd be repulsed and wonder why I was disfigured. I know it's too early to get nursing bras but I figured if I had to get them soon I could just go up a size from now - then measure like you would if you were in the last month. So obviously the ones I got are big - but there still really freaking uncomfortable. I dunno I might end up returning them and trying again closer to the due date. If that's how there supposed to feel though I have no idea how I'm going to make it 6 months or a year.... let alone 6 weeks. I also got a nursing tank from walmart for $12 much better then the $20-$40 I'd have to pay elsewhere.

I also found 2 more "mommy and me" classes one is also from birth like the two I'm already signed up for and the other starts at 4 mo. Actually these last ones are for anyone I think. But I'm pretty sure it'll mostly be moms with their kids.

And now. Now my feet are swollen, my back hurts, and part of me is ready for bed now. But that'd be crazy. Maybe.